Diagnoses and solutions by Trial and Error: Part 1 July 16, 2011

See the previous entry for the beginning of this series.
July 16, 2011

A: Speaking Spanish, incorrectly, can be dangerous to your health.

M, after detecting that he has a sinus infection, has approached his local pharmacist to request allergy medication.

1. “Yo necesito pillodoras por allegrias,” he says, with confidence. 'I need pills for allergies.'
2. However, the pharmacist hears, 'I need pills for joy.' and assumed that M is depressed.
3. Since the pharmacy does not dispense antidepressants without a prescription, and in any case the pharmacist has made the assumption that M's problem is the unremitting rain the area has been experiencing in past months.
4. Knowing that gringos are greatly affected by unremitting rain when they had expected unending sunshine, the pharmacist makes an interesting decision.
5. The pharmacist gives the gringo supplicant a name on a tiny piece of scrap paper and tells him to go stand on the sea wall. “Por el mar” he explains in simple Spanish. He then makes a short phone call.
6. On the sea wall, the gringo is approached by a youth who  takes the scrap of paper with the name on it, relieves the gringo of 4000 colones and hands over a small ball of aluminum foil containing what appears to be a ½ teaspoon of tobacco. He also gives the gringo some small, glue edged, rice paper like rectangles.
7. M is no fool. He knows this must be the famed ganja he has heard is so bad and dangerous. His first reaction is to go to the police, to be a hero and help wipe this scourge from the face of the world.
8. Then M thinks, well the professional ot the pharmacy prescribed this. It's not exactly back alley drug dealing. Maybe I should try it. So he sets of for home, foil ball in his shirt pocket with his eyeglasses, cellphone and his plastic pocket protector containing two ball point pens. The ball of foil makes him look as if he has three nipples, one much larger and firmer than the other two.

Another day we will relate the adventures of M as he navigates the public streets, filled with paranoia. We will discover if this medicine works for his allergies. And, if his problem is, indeed, allergies.