Just a day in the life. A good one.

Last night I watched a Hanson, father and son, video on Becoming Self Aware. I always start these thinking this is Mickey Mouse and then force myself to give it a chance. So, last night I took in a bunch of ideas about subconscious or unconscious forces on current behavior and feelings. One example, an extreme one, was based on Freud's story of the patient with the paralyzed hand. Seems she was resisting giving her father a good solid smack. A smack he well deserved. Anyway.

I thought, "am I making myself weak and tired because of some ulterior psycho motive that I am unaware of?" Can I change that, or, at least, assume I am strong and well and act accordingly?

And so on.

And I recalled when I want to CR my motto was 'always say yes' and I did. It was wonderful. I lived a life I could never have imagined for me. Cost me some, but all in all, the positive was worth every negative minute. (Aside: this blog has great and handy spelling correction, of which, due to my fumbling fingers, I make much use.)

Couldn't sleep until 6AM. Slept until ten. 

Sat down at the computer. Felt depressed. My crutch has always been walking. I will assume I can walk well. I go out, taking my Rollator, because, don't be stupid.

It feels better immediately. My legs feel like they used to, almost. I walk differently. (All this from a change of perspective?) I will see another day if it continues. I stop to tell a neighbor who is sunning herself and listening to opera how much I enjoy her music. I go around the building once. Feels good. Legs good, Lungs good. Mood lifting. Not ready to go in yet. Head out the back way, aiming for Rockville Rd. Pass buildings 2, 1, the mailbox at the end of the complex. 

Not quite as peppy as at the start, but good. 

Turn around, go back. As I walk, I plan how tomorrow I will head to Rockville first and maybe make it.  There is a pizza place there, next to a liquor store and a  wholesale market. Not wonderful, but I always prefer to walk toward a destination. Any destination. I have to find someplace to head for. If I keep going, I might make it to Kroger one day. My dream is to walk on forever. There was a time when I fantasized walking from coast to coast. 

At this point, I will plan to get in better shape for the August road trip and get together. Leave coast to coast for another lifetime.

One lesson: be willing to accept advice. Admit you don't know the answer.  Listen to someone else.

 This piece can't possibly convey how grateful I am for this day. I feel bright green and yellow, radiating waves of mental energy.

https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast-how-to-become-more-self-aware/

Part of this feeling good is the fact that I flushed half a month's sleeping pills about 6 days ago and accepted that I will sleep when I can, If I sleep til noon, that is okay. And better than the depressing hangover I get with regular slp pills. I had to flush them, though, because I don't have the will power to not take them at 3 in  the am.