Prompted by da dip this AM

Today's reality, (maybe) fleeting for sure.

A bed, a safe place to be, a fucking right sided headache top of head to jaw--ear. eye. mastoid. Eye watering. Sunglasses, for now, lost maybe later, but for now I have the sunglasses. They don't help the headache, not the watering eye. The pressure above my ear makes it worse. So much for sunglasses. As useless right now as crying for Argentina.

Coffee, in my own kitchen, toast, toaster, reasons to get up, face the day. Possible it will be better later. I think of dip.

Too many pills, for too much chronic stuff, but I have the pills; someday maybe not, but today I have them. And the coffee and the toast. It is good. And painful.

But...sunshine, not rain, although rain would be good too. 

I am in possession of a fan.

The sunlight acerbates pain today, the watering eye complains, but I also have a computer, email, skype, news from the outside world. I must connect, I need to connect. Do I? Really? Would it matter? Today or in the grand scheme? No, this is my reality, no one else's.

Another real thing today, a good thing, emotional or spiritual or magical strings connecting me to my kids around the world. My most important reality, today. But not Pat. Another reality now.

May I go back to bed? NO no no no. I must experience the days I have. They are mine. I am here with all these things today.

The starving in Africa, the napalmed in the middle east, the misery of the hungry in all our cities, those are reality for someone else, but they are not my reality today.

I have only my headache, my dizziness, my fatigue, and my wish for escape.

But, I have coffee, toast, electronic communication. That will do for now. It could be gone tomorrow.

Endure it until it passes. When/if/ it passes, celebrate the passing and let go. A moment in time is only a moment in time.

Three hours and counting. 

Full disclosure: In desperation, at midnight last night, I took a second sleeping pill.