Win a few, lose a few

Walked outside with the walker yesterday. Just around buildings three and four. I got weak and my legs were shaky. The walker gets in the way of walking naturally, but I'm shaky  and fear losing my balance without it. 1000 steps on the Fitbit. Came in and drank a protein drink with frozen strawberries. Browsed a while. More later. Got sunburned on balcony at high noon +/-. Did arm weights. 

 Today I've been working on the Nordic Track. I had assembled it fairly easily, but the left foot felt like it dragged. I switched the skis with each other. Still a drag on the left leg. Got on YouTube and read the instructions for correct assembly. Of course, you know I didn't read before assembly. I've had two of these things before, I know how to do this.  Tried it again. Kept on even while the left leg continued to be harder than the right. Et voila!!

I realized. The stroke. My left leg is weaker than my right. I thought I was free from effects of that.

I knew I couldn't control the turning of my ankles and feet equally and I have done exercises to make the left ankle and foot more responsive to brain orders. But I had no idea the left leg was this much less functional than the right. No wonder I am unbalanced. And getting more off balance everyday.  

So, I got this thing in the nick of time. It is the only thing I can think of that permits stressing one leg more than the other at the same time.  I can still move the skis while holding on to the support post for balance.

I set the leg resistance to as high as my left leg will still push it, which is easy for my right leg. We shall see. Maybe eventually they will even out.

Suppose, for the sake of something to worry about, suppose that it is not the muscles themselves, but that the electrical signals are not getting through from my brain. Suppose the part that bled and was out of commission is dead. We did discuss, the therapist in California and I, whether forcing a muscle to move even though the signal is damaged could eventually backwards train the brain to regrow those cells. There has been scientific speculation that that is possible, but I quit doing research when I finally accepted that what I do physically is the only thing that can help and all the reading in the world about it won't make it work better. A hard truth for a person whose life has been based on information available in print. I think most of how I learned to live and behave and get along in the world came from what I read.

So I can't use the arm resistance yet because I must hold on for balance, and I'm a little bummed about that, but am glad I became aware of the deficit in the left side.

I've found some trips on YouTube that I can watch while working. Along a beach in Hawaii, through London streets, etc. Everybody knows those things are there. I stop after 5 minutes or so to rest. I remember the days on 14th street when I did 45 mins on the ski machine and then 45 mins on the treadmill. Right this minute I believe I can do,  well something.

Now that I think of it, my left hand is less coordinated than the right and, wow, when I test them, there are many discrepancies left to right. Are reach overhead. Amazing how we adapt ourselves to this.

Speaking of adapting though, I think if I didn't have the internet in this stay at home time, I'd be batshit.